i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
