I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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