I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
