Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
