with your own penis?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
