my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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