I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
