Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
