i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
