either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
