my sisters under your porch take her home
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
