Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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