I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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