If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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