Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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