happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
