how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize