Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
