...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
