I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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