I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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