So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
