At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
