I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
