No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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