I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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