I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
