so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
