We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
