Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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