He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
