Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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