I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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