3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
