i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
