i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just google imaged poop.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
