This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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