Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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