Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
