Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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