Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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