Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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