so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
