How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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