so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
