go do what you do best...puke behind churches
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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