this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
