I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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