worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
