Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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