I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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