after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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