I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
