Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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