the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
