i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
