even my farts smell like vagina
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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