you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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