I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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