I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
