Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is my gift to your gina
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
