I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
