Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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