I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
