i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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