My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your penis caused this!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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