i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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