she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They took my balls.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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