she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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