Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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