just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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