Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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